You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
