Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
