oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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