How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
