I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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