it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
