i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
