Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
