I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
