3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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