i dont even know how to be here
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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