i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I need to calm my uterus...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
