I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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