Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
