You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
