would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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