she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
