Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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