3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
