hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
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This is my life. Enjoy the view
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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