Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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