I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
