Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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