yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
false alarm. still invincible.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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