you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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