I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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