What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
