my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
