I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
