Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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