All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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