I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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