I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize