I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
