Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Let's get the cat blown out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
