Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
