I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize