kristin has been a bad kristin
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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