um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
