I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
