dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize