Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
