I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
