Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
