he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
