susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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