He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
