HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
