Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
