You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
