Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
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If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
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He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina