I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.