I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill