I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it