I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits