Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.