I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!