there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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