I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
