sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
