You can't motorboat a personality
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
