I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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