Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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