you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
