They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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