Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
