bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
