I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
