My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
